Follow Friday Edition

Well, it's that time again and, even though I've been massively sick and away from Twitter I still have a list of favorites that I still want to acknowledge. These folks are in no specific order - just folks I love to talk with and have provided support over the last few months.

Cecilyk - She's the best ever. I love blog, Uppercase Woman and love her tweets. She's not always the voice of 'popular' opinion but she's always honest and I feel such a kindship with her. Definitely not someone to miss.

DomesticDebacle - She's super supportive and I have enjoyed chatting with her very much. I hope I'm able to do it much much more. Take a look at her blog - she's interesting.

MariahDawn - Ahh, a kindred spirt. Not only of blended familes but also a parent of teens. She and I have so much in common and I'd love to meet her in real life - but, she lives in California and I live in ummm, not California.

PrincessJenn - No favorite list would be without her. She's my favorite person to chat with and favorite person to commisserate with. No good day comes without contact from Jenn.

Finally, my favorite funny lady in the world, MommyWantsVodka. Yes, I know her blog name is not something I should be reading (based on my past love of the drink) but she doesn't talk about it at all. She's funny and she's real - don't read her? You should!
xoxo, sober mommy

Love & Sadness

I've shared recently how emotionally I'm struggling to stay positive, to stay focused. I've cried, a lot, over the last few months. I've been emotionally drained from it all. My medicine is working - making it better it's just..... I don't know.

That's the problem.

I just *don't* know what is wrong.

Right after I entered into sobriety I also entered into therapy. I was so hardened by everything that had happened - what was still happening - that the idea of actually 'going' there wasn't an option. I fought it. Hard. I fought the one thing that probably would have helped me the most because I was honestly afraid of what would happen if I let down the guard - if I let someone in.

If I allowed myself to feel again.

It took several tries at therapy to finally get me to agree to just try something different. To let down the walls. To give, and more importantly, take the flow of relationships again. To let it out. All of it. The hopes that were now gone. The losses I had gone through. To admit the things that I had done wrong. To let go of things that I had no control over.

It was hard.

But through it all my husband was there. Once the tears started it seemed like they never stopped. I fought him, I fought everything, I fought every single feeling that I was having because I didn't HOW to fight them.

Through it all he would take me by the hand, wipe my tears and tell me that I *was* worth it.
That he would stand behind me.

That he would always be there.

So with those memories I keep going. They make me go back to that time when I *did* know what I was crying for and makes me remember that I don't have those things to cry about any longer.

Life is good.
I have love and laughter back into my life.

I just wish I could figure out *what* is still making me cry.
xoxo, sober mommy