Dear Maddie

Dear Maddie -

Last year you were here one minute and gone the next.  It's still difficult for me to believe and even more so for your family.   Your smile and laugh were contagious.  You were coming into your own - searching out the world and what was in it.  You had no fear yet, you were just soaking it all in. 

Over the last year your mommy and daddy have kept your memory strong.  They have dealt with feelings and emotions that so many never have to face head on and vowed to give your short life meaning.  Your mommy was so scared that people wouldn't remember you - quite the opposite has happened - many, many not only remember you but lives have been saved  through their work with the March of Dimes.  They started Friends Of Maddie so that other families can know that they are thought of.

You've been an inspiration to me Maddie.  You have made me stop and be in the moment more - to give more hugs and kisses.  You've inspired me to take more pictures - even if I'm not very good.  One night I asked your mommy how to make the background fade - she told me but honestly, I've never been able to do it - your mommy is a much better photographer than I am.

There have been times in my life when my faith hasn't been strong.  After you passed away I questioned God again - WHY would he do this - to anybody?  WHAT is the purpose of families going through this?  I've never received an answer though - at least not one that I understood.  At the end of the day though I've had to push my questions aside and have faith that someday your mommy and daddy will see you again.  I have to have that faith because I need to believe that I will see Addison again. 

I just have to.

Love -
xoxo, sober mommy