And Now, For The Rest Of The Story

I'm one tired, frustrated, cranky mess. I was out of my medicine for a week and that is totally not acceptable. Worst of all? it's all my fault. It's not like I didn't KNOW that it would happen. What am I? 12? Someone who thinks that the rules don't apply to her? Don't answer that - I'm WORKING on this people. A procastinator? Of course. Interestingly I am only a procastinator when I have not many things to do. Give me more than someone reasonable can handle? I'm ALL over it. But not so busy? Not so interested. Anyone else?

If you relate to any of the above? Well, I don't know what to say other than I feel your pain.

It's times like this when that little voice inside my head starts to question myself. It goes something like this....

Really? I know you SAY that your an alcoholic but really are you? Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, life is more stable thus you would be able to have I don't know, 1 or 2 glasses of chardonnay? Besides everyone makes an ass out of themselves from time to time. It wasn't just you.

Then, *thank god*, the rational voice jumps in with...

Really? Yea, really. Your life is stable ONLY because you aren't drinking uh, I don't know 1 or 2 glasses of Chardonnay that you would cop to. The other 4 or 5 you think you hid? Yeah, not so much. And what? You are back to thinking that Vodka doesn't smell. You are delusional. And what about that everyone makes an ass out of themselves? Yeah, that's true the only part you left out is being ridiculous is one thing it's whole other thing to get so trashed that you go into pass out mode while your eyes are open. (Yes, that really happened to me. At the neighborhood Christmas Party. Yeah, let that one sink in for a moment. We haven't gone to anything else in the neighborhood since. That's me - Miss Good Times. Um no.)

I write this to say that the post I posted yesterday, the one about what I thought Lindsay needed?  Yeah, it was full of everything that is bad in recovery.

Thinking that I'm different than someone else?
Thinking that I know what someone should or shouldn't do based on MY experiences?

Yeah, those are the reasons why the little thoughts start to come into my head.
I need to stop.
Anyone else feel the same right now?
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xoxo, sober mommy


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