Because Clearly I Am Losing My Mind

I mean seriously? How do you top off a post about that nut known as Tila Tequila *which, just in case you are wondering what it does to your stats let me just say that a whole lot of people are searching for TT crazy stories these days*.

I titled this post 'Because Clearly I Am Losing My Mind' because that is the only explanation I can use because of late I cannot remember anything for the life of me.  ! I mean nothing. Phone numbers - gone in < 60 seconds. I cannot even remember a telephone number after I JUST LISTENED to the message! A couple of weeks ago I forgot that I drove to work and got on the train to go home. Luckily I only made it one stop before I had to turn around and go back. Let's just say that put total suckage into my anticipated early arrival home.

And finally the one that makes my heart skip a beat and my stomach turn - I lost my iPhone. I know, I know, it's just a phone but I loved that little piece of hardware. I loved the app store, I loved the cute little icons, I loved the clear pictures and nice graphics.

Don't pretend you guys don't have the same fetish because I KNOW YOU.

So now I'm back to writing things down and carrying sticky notes like I'm a kindergartener and the teacher has to pin a note to my shirt that says, "I ride bus 7000". I always thought that was kinda cute but you
know what? It's not so cute for a 42 year old.

AND I have to get a new phone.
A cheap phone.
One that possibly won't even have - gasp here - internet access.
xoxo, sober mommy

Tila Tequila Is A Mess - And Not A Hot One

Tila Tequila is a mess.
And not a hot one.

If you are like me sometimes you just wander around the Twitter to see what else is out there.  For me I have this secret life of watching the Kardashian sisters, Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe to be exact.  It’s a guilty pleasure.  I love me some Khloe!  She just cracks me up every time.  I’m also guilty of watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians for HOURS if it’s a marathon I haven’t seen before.  This does not endear me to my husband though.    Since I’m sure that the sisters are stumbling over themselves reading this let me take this minute to shout out the following:  Kourtney, do what makes you happy but hopefully you’ll find more happiness with someone other than Scott.  He’s just not nice.  And my all time favorite – Miss Khloe.  Don’t.Change.A.Thing.

So getting back to how the Kardashians lead me to Tila…  Somewhere between reading tweets by Kim and following down other rabbit holes I found Miss Tila.  (Or then again she could be Mama T.  Take your pick – depending on her personality of the day either of them could be right) And what a rabbit hole it turned out to be – it’s  much like watching Alice In Wonderland only without Johnny Depp in a frightening orange hat.  First we find out that Tila is bisexual.  Then she’s not.  Oh wait, she’s really a lesbian.  Except when she wants to be pregnant – then she’s not.  Oh wait, she already was pregnant but it was only a donor (procurement completed through the ‘old fashioned way’).  But then…baby daddy wants to marry her – so maybe she really isn’t gay.  Or maybe she is.  She’s just not sure.

She’s also not sure if she’s pregnant or not.  In December she was wanting to be a surrogate for her brother and was undergoing some sort of bizarre IVF procedure – as in I never did really understand if it was her egg or her sister in law’s and lord knows who was the ‘donor’.  The potential mixes are just too much for me to think through.

In January the ‘love of her life’ Casey Johnson died.  I think at that time she was a lesbian but it’s hard to tell because in late January she’s pregnant for sure and she’s gushing about what a ‘catch’ and how ‘beautiful’ the baby daddy is.  I know that most of us are pretty sure who the father’s of our children are (I mean we can at least narrow it down to 1 or 2) but you know what?   She’s really not so sure either too.  First baby daddy is a war hero from Texas that was her childhood best friend.  Next he was European.  After that he was African American but not the war hero from Texas – he was a rapper.  Oh but wait, he’s really not the rapper because the rapper gets all up in her face and calls her out on it. 

Tila stays pregnant until February when she magically goes from early in her first trimester to 13 weeks pregnant.  Man, time flies when you are only sorta pregnant.  I could recap the pregnancy but let’s just go forward to last week when we learn that she lost her pregnancy back in February when a chair hit her on the head (not sure how a dented head and a pregnancy loss go together considering how FAR AWAY the head is from the stomach.  But I digress) and then went through an IVF round to become pregnant again.  Now that she’s pregnant again she hasn’t ventured out yet into who is he donor – I guess it isn’t yet time to go down that hole.  But guess what?  Her IVF doctor is Dr. Danza…I mean Dr. Danrza.  I know, I know, if I were writing big check to someone I would least know who to make it payable to.

OH and did I mention that she is having twins?  She’s sure, well except that according to her ‘due date’ of December 10 (plus minus 10 days) she’s really only been pregnant since like March 10th or so.  I guess when you are crazy it’s easy to also be psychic.  It’s all beginning to exhaust me.  At this point I need something to take notes on so I can keep up. 

I’ve pretty much caught you up to date.  Well, except for decisions that she wants to be in the spotlight, doesn’t want to be in the spotlight, is a media mogul or maybe just wants to sing and act.  Signs acts to her ‘management company’ and then never talks about them again.

If you care to join me in insanity you too can follow her at @tilaomg and read the insanity recaps at

xoxo, sober mommy